Monday, February 16, 2015

four months

When I think of the last 4 months, I honestly can't wrap my brain around half of the stuff that has happened or how my life has drastically changed (the "4th trimester" is a real thing, y'all!). Everything is still a bit fuzzy, yet every single moment I've had with this little guy is as clear as day. Every day that goes by and every onesie that gets put away because it no longer fits, I am reminded that time really doesn't ever stand still. Nothing shows passing time quite like a new baby. Just today he pulled the pacifier out of his mouth and put it back in - all by himself. The smallest possible thing, yet such a big deal. 

And this is why there have been very few blogs in the last couple weeks - because nothing quite compares to just sitting and playing with baby. And frankly, I'm too tired to write blogs after a long day. Hopefully this will change one day in the near future...

So, these are some things I am reminded of about the last four months with Bear:
  1. The long nights. If anything stands out in my mind about these months, it will be the long, long, did-I-say-long sleepless nights. Not all of them were sleepless, but lately, many have been, thanks to the amazing 4 month sleep regression. And the exhaustion is like nothing I ever thought I could handle. And somehow I am. Because he's cute.
  2. No dairy. For the last almost 4 months, I have had no cheese, no milk, no butter. No dairy. For the sake of Bear and his intolerance to cow's milk, I have had to give it up until he is about 6 months (hopefully). Considering cheese, pizza and tacos (with cheese/sour cream) are my favorite foods and 90% of my diet before, this has been a major life change. And did you know that milk/butter/cheese is in almost EVERYTHING! Thankfully I lost a few lbs. But just isn't good without cheese. I don't care what anyone says. (Although...Oreo's and gummi bears are non-dairy fyi.)
  3. Time. My life is all about time now. Naptime, bedtime, awake time, feeding time, work time. Schedules. Time. And this "time" thing really does fly.
  4. Working mom. If anything else stands out about these months, it's about my transition back to work and becoming "a working mom." While some days have been "easy," many have been challenging and exhausting. It's hard ya'll. The guilt is real. When I'm at work, I feel guilty for being at work. When I'm home, I feel guilty for not being at work (or leaving early). The guilt sucks. But ultimately, I am making it work and I am happy about that. And of course there's the whole office "pumping" thing. That's a topic for a whole other post. 
  5. Joy. Nothing at all compares now to the feeling I have when I see this baby every day. It truly is indescribable. I guess it's the reason why we put up with all the poopie diapers and long nights, because the joy we get in return is priceless. His laugh, his smile, his big, curious eyes. His tiny hands and strands of hair. It's just miraculous. I could go on and on. I could take 1 million photos and it still wouldn't be enough to capture the feeling. Motherhood is truly amazing. And hard. And ultimately, awesome.
So, that's a little 4 month "review" if you will. Onwards!